Tuesday Thoughts: The 4 D’s – The Drainer

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Ok we’re having a discussion about the EGR’s in your small group. And remember, EGR stands for extra grace required. Those are just people in your group who may take up a little bit more of your time, a little bit more of your patience, and they’re just more difficult to lead than the rest of the members and we also call these the four D’s. I’ve got the Dominator. That’s someone who dominates the conversation. The opposite of the dominator, it’s the Dodger. That’s someone who never enters into the conversation. And then the Debater, somebody who always wants to debate the issues. And then finally, what I want to talk about today is the Drainer. What do you do if you have somebody in your group that always turns it back to themself that never is excited, never has joy. We call them Debbie Downers. What do you do if you have a Debbie Downer in your group?

Well, there’s a few things that you can do that might help this person have more joy, more life, and be a bigger part of the group. The first thing that I would do is meet with that person outside of the group time because you probably don’t know their story and it’s hard for them to really share their story during the group time. So meet with them for coffee or after a service and just ask them to tell you their story and find out what is feeding into what is going on in their life because there might be something that you can help with that you can pray with them about that you don’t even know about. So meet with them outside of the group time.

The second thing that you might want to do is when it comes to the prayer time, that’s usually a time for somebody like this that can kind of turn it always towards their issues, their problems. Especially if you do verbal prayer requests. So instead of doing it verbally, maybe try having people write down their prayer requests on a note card and then either praying silently or sending it out during the week so the group can pray that way.

And then finally there may be somebody in your group who needs professional care. They may have needs or issues that’s beyond the abilities of the group, so make sure that you talk to a pastor, talk to a church staff member about how you can refer them to the help that they need. So if you have a drainer that’s okay. There’s some things you can do to help them and help the group.

Chris Surratt is a ministry consultant and coach with more than twenty years of experience serving the local church. Chris served on the Executive Teams at Cross Point Church in Nashville, TN., and Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C., prior to becoming the Discipleship and Small Groups Specialist for Lifeway Christian Resources. He is the author of  Small Groups for the Rest of Us: How to Design Your Small Groups System to Reach the Fringes. You can follow his blog at www.chrissurratt.com.